I have written a bunch about educational toys and activities and what not. I haven't written a whole lot about the more important education- character education. So we could debate all day how much you can teach character, and how much is genetic, but let's assume for the moment that your children are blank slates (which they aren't). I haven't found a whole lot of "toys" specifically targeted at character development. However, the use of regular, every day toys and situations, is an awesome way to teach these principles. There are teachable moments and modeling moments everywhere you look.
Many people comment on how "good" my kids are. This is where I usually stop them and say something along the lines of, "they were born that way." The truth is that they were definitely born with strong personalities but I think we've probably done a little influencing along the way. I get sad when I hear comments like one I heard the other day. I was telling a woman that we were taking our kids the the street fair last Saturday and her response was, "that is a good activity to call up the grandparents and ask them to take the kids." I kind of joked it off and said it would be fun and then she said, "yah, but my kids aren't like your kids." Seriously? That is sad (not that they aren't like my kids but that she thinks like this).
So, how can we influence our kids behavior and ultimately their character or internal thought process? I'm no expert so I can't tell you. I CAN tell you what I've learned over the years working with kids and my few years with my own. The most important thing you can do is to understand that they are not their behavior. Meaning, your kid isn't "bad" because they behave badly. See the difference? Please, never tell your child they are bad or any other demeaning thing. The looking glass self is a real issue. This doesn't mean that you have to be all positive all the time but just be aware.
Back to teachable moments... These are so easy to do! When your kids are playing they will supply you with hundreds of opportunities to help them think through problems and situations or for you to point out different ways they could have handled things. Use a calm, steady voice, and do it while you are at their level playing with them. Yelling things from across the room isn't really considered a teachable moment. I can remember my dad using TV shows as teachable moments a lot while I was growing up.
Modeling behavior is an amazing tool. Don't expect your kids to be honest if you lie. If you leave the grocery store and realize there was a can in the bottom of the cart you didn't pay for, take it back in and pay for it. What do you think your kids will learn if you say something dismissive and just go along your merry way? Think about how you relate to other people, how you treat strangers and friends alike. What tones do you use at home? Of course, looking at yourself in this way you'll probably get depressed at all your failings and shortcomings so give yourself a break and then focus on small things you can work on. There is nothing wrong with teaching your children that we are all human and fall short. Show them you are not above apologizing.
Discipline is also a way to build character. There are as many methods of discipline as there are parents in the world. Discipline can definitely cross a line and become harmful to a kid. Lack of discipline is also harmful. There has to be a balance and the only way it will actually teach a child anything is if it is consistent. Not just that you are consistent, but that all parents are consistent with each other as well. Tall order? Maybe, but like any of my other advice I'd say talking about it with your spouse or whoever your children's mother/father may be is important. It is possible to get on the same page. If you are in totally different ball parks then I'd suggest seeking outside help.
I have tons of ideas to share but those will have to wait...
