Toddler and Preschooler Sleep Wisdom: Night Waking

This might possibly be my last installment of what I have called "sleep wisdom". If this is the first one you've read, know that I understand I don't know it all. I've made a lot of mistakes, which is probably why I've dealt with so many sleep issues. These are just nuggets I've learned along the way. If you want to read more about our sleep issues, the most important sleep fix, nightmares, or early waking then jump on over there. I hope some of this helps you on your parenting journey! By the way, my parenting philosophies lie somewhere in between Dr. Sears and Dr. Weissbluth, leaning one way or another depending on the situation. I loved Elizabeth Pantley's books but they didn't work for us.

You all know what I am talking about when I say "night waking". There are VERY few parents out there who haven't dealt with a phase of night waking with their little ones. I'm not talking about babies who don't sleep through the night. I'm talking about 18 month olds, 3 year olds, 4.5 year olds... You know, those kids who SHOULD be sleeping all night, or at least be able to get themselves back to sleep. Do you have a kid who struggles with this? The most important things to remember are that

A) You are no longer dealing with a baby

B) Sleep is when your child's brain develops

C) Your sleep is important too.

D) Tantrums aren't O.K., even at night.

E) What works for others may not be good for your child, or you.

The first thing you should do is try to determine what is causing the night waking. You will deal with a kid who wakes at night from nightmares much differently than a kid who just wants to come hang out with mom and dad for some snuggles. You should note here that if you think your child's waking behavior is out of the range of "normal" you should consult with your physician because there could possibly be a medical issue rather than a behavioral issue. Little ones can have Sleep Apnea or other problems so don't overlook that possibility. Also remember that teething can still cause night waking! Don't forget about those molars. Those hurt! If you suspect an ear infection or some other illness, by all means snuggle that poor kiddo in pain.

Once you've determined what the cause is the second thing you should do is talk with your spouse about how to handle the situation. Some families function very well allowing a toddler to climb into bed with mom and dad every night and others don't. If it works for your family and everyone is still getting all the sleep they need then I say go for it. If it doesn't work for you (who can sleep with a little foot in their face?) then you'll need to look elsewhere for solutions. There is no one size fits all answer to this question. Sorry! It is important that you are on the same page with you spouse. 

So, what are these possible solutions (to non medical night waking problems)? Here you go...

• Let Waker climb into your bed when she wakes and then sleep the rest of the night with you. We do this most of the time. We resort to this second method if night waking REALLY becomes a problem for us.
• Go to Waker, comfort Waker, say a prayer with Waker, tell her it is time to go back to sleep and leave her room. Do not return unless she gets up out of bed. In this case you'll need to tell her again that it is time to go back to sleep and put her in bed. If she does it again just put her in bed- no talking! I've done this for over an hour before in the middle of the night, a few times a night. It is maddening, absolutely miserable, but it works. If you have other children in the house that wake up because of the screaming then do what you can to comfort the others, but don't give in to Waker. Within a few days my Waker was sleeping in her bed all night again and finally rested and pleasant during the day. And I was once again rested and sane. 
• Let the night waker sleep on a little bed on your floor. This worked for us for a while with one of our girls when she just wanted to be in the same room as us for comfort. 
• Go to little Waker's room and crawl into bed with her. Not my favorite solution.
• Go to Waker, lie down with her until she falls asleep and then sneak out. My LEAST favorite option. Please don't do this, it can only lead to other, more menacing problems. I KNOW.    

I am sure I'm missing something, but these are pretty much your only options. By the time your child is this old, she needs to learn how to get back to sleep by herself, whichever method you use. I'd highly recommend against rocking back to sleep each time. Seriously, this will prolong the problem, make it worse and probably cause you to go insane. Remember that toddlers like to push limits and will do what they get away with. They'll scream and kick and look possessed and possibly puke* (yes, they might) when they stop getting their way, but in the end it is good for them, really. Your child's brain needs solid sleep to develop and your job is to guide her in learning how to get that sleep. I know, it sounds a lot more terrible than it is. Keep in mind this method is used for a kid who is having serious night waking problems. Hang in there!

As a side note, if you have more than one child who wakes up at night, then you may need to divide and conquer. (not that you are "conquering your child"). When Maggie was a baby and both our other girls were having serious night waking issues I handled Maggie's night waking and Arthur handled the other girls. One parent CANNOT be up all night with multiple children.

What have you done that helps everyone get a better night's sleep? Any wisdom for the weary, tired parent?